catwallpaper (catwallpaper) wrote,

But it wasn't, has yet to be, my own music that has saved me. Rather it has always been the music of others. Because of this, can I never make it to your godlike level? Am I doomed to be one of the many who admire, who wish and feel that they could be the same, but for some reason are not? Am I doomed to never break the wall in my heart?
It's kept me for its own for too long, has it? I've been dreaming of the misty field that awaits, but those dreams never blossomed until now. How much of a disadvantage am I at? Will that disadvantage someday add to my appeal? Will the difficulty of the road make the destination sweeter? If I lust for success, the elusive, provocative idea that she is, will she never let me touch her sweet skin? How can I get back to the freedom I had when the bricks of the one wall tumbled down? Isn't this just a new wall? Isn't this just another cage? But I like this one better. Is that a constant, imprisoning yourself in the hold of your choice... if you're lucky? Still I come to peace; it does not matter if I remain in this position forever. I can do what I want; I can be what I want. Even though no one knows... Even though no one appreciates my art, I will continue making it. But, obviously, I long for what the others have had. I dream of the taste of success. And maybe if I wasn't alone with my music, maybe if/when I find comrades, maybe then I would... I don't know.
Do you see it, the radiant glow in my bones? I cannot not do this. I won't stop this time. It's quite tragic that i'm so alone; it's quite tragic that I will most likely never... never... I cannot stop. Do not try to cut me down; I am immortal. This dream and i will never die. Even if I never get to ride the high, other than inside myself, I will keep trying. Even though I'm going to get old even quicker because i was kept captive, no, because I had not the strength to break free until now. Even though I don't make friends easily, even though I'm not a vituoso, even though I am inhibitted still by what I try every day to shed... Even though
Just cry until you forget what it is you thought.
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